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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
We lost another bus boy last night and we were busy too. Sure it is great not having to tip out, but damn do you bust your ass!
Some asian women (4 of them) were there and one was all over Slappy like white on rice. Lucky for me, the owners came in at one point, so Slappy had to stop playing with his new toy (the asian woman)and finally help me. And of course soon as they left he was slobbering all over her again. The only positive thing about those women was Slappy's toy keeping my friend Babs in stiches. She joined Babs at the bar and entertained her since I was busy and Slappy had to look like he was doing something other than playing with his dick. The toy was lucky too that I didn't smack the shit out of her friend. Her friend was really snotty to me and she's lucky I wasn't serving her food other wise I'd have to put some "special sauce" in her meal. Those women were there from 1-7 pm. I kid you not. They also did not pay for a single thing.
posted by Maeve at 5:17 AM
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thank God for my mother!
Pudd'n is really sick. I showed up around 1:00 to pick him up from my mother's and Pudd'n was napping.
My son never takes a nap unlesss he is sick. I managed to get him up and bring him home. My mom said to just bring him back later on tonight. She did not want me to get him up extra early just to drop him off at her place. Just feed him, bathe him and bring him back to grandma land for some love'n. Of course all I could think was "my son is sick, he needs his mommy!". But then I thought about when I was a wee lass and what my mom would do for me. She'd wait on me hand & foot and bring me presents of coloring books, crayons and art projects to make. Pudd'n shot out of the elevator like a bat out of hell, laughing and coughing all the way to grandma's door I knew I made the right choice at dropping him at my mum's. He was naked in 5 seconds flat and flew under the covers to snuggle up to his grammy.
I too will be snuggled under the covers, only I'll be with the goat puppy because poor steve gets to splice fiber during the night shift. *giggles with manical glee* I get to sleep by my self!!!!!
posted by Maeve at 7:27 PM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Kareokee any one?
How about drunken hispanic kerokee???
My neighbors have a party in full swing and some one brought the kareokee machine. That is what greeted us when we came back from dropping pudd'n off at grandmaland.
Pudd'n isn't feeling too hot. He's got a cough going on and when we were at the grocery store in the check out line I heard a noise.
A noise to send a chill of fear down my spine.
I look at the fruit of my loins and he has that look on his precious face.
I cup my hands in front of Pudd'ns mouth hoping he's not going to pull an exorcist and spew.
Lucky for me he does not, it is all mucus. Pudd'n does not know how to blow his nose, so he swallows it until it alllllll comes up in a big gooey mess.
This shit looked so bad, it looked like something a space alien would chuck up in a bad B rated film.
I raise my head to see where Steve is, he is being the dutiful husband and getting something I forgot on the list. Lucky for me he's almost back to our cart when I frantically call out to him "Stephan! Get over here NOW!!!".
He knows the look on my face, the fear in my voice. The kid is spewing.
Steve gets Pudd'n out the door while the cashier trys not to lose his lunch after spying the goop in my hands.
Tell me he wasn't thrilled to take my money after that......
posted by Maeve at 6:58 PM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Jesus, Mary and Joesph!
It feels like I've been beaten with a 2x4!!
We spent most of the day doing yard work. We pulled the pine tree and lots of weeds. I planted new flowering plants and we finally got a new pot for the Ficus tree.
Since we spent most of the day at home and poor Pudd'n was bored out of his skull, we took him to Chucky Cheese for dinner.
Tomorrow we should hopefully go whale watching. It is whale migrating season and since Pudd'n enjoyed the sail boats so much, I know he'll enjoy the big boat.
I can't wait for next weekend when the bitchs & ho's come over. It is Lili's birthday so I'll be supplying the vodka & carrot cake for the birthday girl.
Time for druken tarot card readings!
posted by Maeve at 6:55 PM
Friday, January 26, 2007
It is true, whiskey and butter cures everything.
My neck is threatening to whack out on me. I'm icing it, taking anti inflammatory and drinking copious amounts of whiskey.
I finally got the damn thing to pop back in to place.
I can thank horses for my screwed up neck and back. Hell, any major ache or pain I can attribute to horses. And yet I still ride.
Tomorrow we will be doing a major over haul in the yard. It has been neglected too long. I've got a few plants and a few ideas on what I want. Next week end the bitches & ho's come over for anti super bowl party. It is also Lili's birthday, so I'll be making her some carrot cake.
posted by Maeve at 5:09 PM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Shamlessly stolen from Guy beacuse I don't got shit to post about.
I tallied 465 how about you?
Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25
posted by Maeve at 8:49 PM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
We were invaded by some Marines today. Instead of the normal one or two guys showing up in dress blues, they had several show with an inflatable obstacle course for the kids to go ape shit on. They even had a pull up bar. They hand t-shirts and other goodies to hand out. What was really nice about these round of Marines? They were older ones, not young ones straight out of basic. Older guys I can put in my fantasies. The young ones are old enough to be my sons and that kind of ruins the fantasy.
posted by Maeve at 4:18 PM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
LL & Stevie have the same post up about flying with children. It never ceases to amaze me when parents don't prepare to keep their kids entertained on flights. Hell, most of them don't bother to do it in resturants!
Pudd'n was 3 mths the first time he flew. He's a good traveler and has flown to Michigan 8 out of 10 years.
I only had a problem with him once.
It was the year autism took over. I had no clue as to why my kid was acting the way he was. My father and his wife of course treated me like I did not know how to raise a kid. Pudd'n cried the entire 2 weeks we were home.
So we get on the plane to get back to the land of fruits & nuts. It's 10am and I'm already asking for whiskey. The steward looked at how frazzled I was and gave me one on the house too.
As the plane is landing at LAX, Pudd'n decides he does not want to be buckled in.
Tantrum ensues and I know what is coming next.
He's gonna puke.
I'm trying to ring for help and catch puke with my hands at the same time.
This is not fun.
Puke smell in an airplane is not pretty.
It took all my will power not to just cry. I was so embarassed and I just had two weeks of pure hell.
That fall, Pudd'n was diagnosed with Autism.
posted by Maeve at 8:46 PM
Monday, January 22, 2007
Beans, Beans, the magical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot!
As a side dish for Pudd'n tonight, I made him some baked beans. He decided that he did not want them, so I happily ate them. I love me some beans!
Steve comes home to me chowing down on them.
Pudd'n didn't want them, so I'm eating them. I happily tell him.
Better watch out tomorrow!
Maeve........knowing you, you'll be farting up a storm with in the hour.
Guess what barflies?
I'm letting them rip bad enough to peel the paint.
Does my man know me or what?
posted by Maeve at 6:56 PM
That is me.
I thought of all this stuff I could blog about and as usual, can't think of Jack shit now that I'm in front of the computer.
Lets see, yesterday we went to the mall of the pretty plastic people. A lady there had a Golden that could of passed for Chiva's brother. Same size, hair length and color. Only her dog had a boxier head. Chiva was so happy to see another Golden, they wanted to run about and play in the worse way.
Today I recieved my box of hearts from Hearts 4 Heros.
They brought tears to my eyes.
The attension to detail and the beauty of each heart is breath taking. I cannot wait to send them to my soldier.
Next time I go to my mom's I'm going to have to kipe a picture she has of us on her fridge. It is a picture of me and her when I was about 15 years old.
Thanks to my father I thought I was unnatractive and over weight. I look at that photo and it pisses me off.
I was far from it.
posted by Maeve at 4:46 PM
Saturday, January 20, 2007
In laymen's terms it means you can't handle the feeling of certin subtances.
Lotion is usually the biggest offender.
Steve can't hang with sun screen, body oil or any thing like that.
Pudd'n is the same way.
(Yeah, tell me he didn't get the autism from his father......*snort*)
Any way, during the summer I have to fight tooth and nail to get Pudd'n to wear sunscreen. We spend 3-6 hours at the beach on a daily basis, the kid is NOT going with out sunscreen.
What is Pudd'ns favorite game at the moment?
Chase him with regular body lotion and try to smear it on him.
I can go through half a bottle of lotion in 20 mins.
Pudd'n is like a greased pig. He loves it, thinks it is funnier than shit.
posted by Maeve at 6:58 PM
Steve is pull'n O/T again today so I think I'll take Pudd'n down to the LB Aqurium. From there we'll swing by the animal shelter and see if we can find us a nice kitty to bring home. And if I'm really lucky and Pudd'n isn't on over load, we'll harass Aussie & Athena since they live down that way too.
posted by Maeve at 6:57 AM
Friday, January 19, 2007
I had a couple glasses of whiskey to help me with the back pain. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! It feels like some one is pounding the shit outta my back and I had to finish the yard work. I bought some plants for the back and I asked the guy WHAT plants would be best for shade. He directed me to several. I bought a total of 5 plants. And as I plant the last one today I notice on the little tag for care that this particular plant needs full sun.
Turns out I bought three of those fuckers that need "full sun". Good thing I save my recipts, I'll be taking their dead asses back to L*wes for a full refund.
posted by Maeve at 5:36 PM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Goddamn little motherfuckers!
Am I mad at my students? Naaaaaaa
Pissed at Steve? Nope, he deserves a medal for putting up with me.
And we all know I am NOT talking about my son.
What has my panties in a wad?
Little mother fuckers thought it would be a good idea to invade my home.
I don't think so!
I've got traps set every where and bleaching every surface that I can.
Steve better get off his butt and get me a damn cat (or two).
posted by Maeve at 8:31 PM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Yesterday when I dropped Pudd'n off at school, his teacher had the Valentines all ready for my special Valentine box. I tried to check them out at the stop lights on the way to my place of employment.
Not a good idea when you have PMS.
I immidetly got weepy.
I finally pulled myself together and just waited until I got to my job to check them out. They are beautiful. Some kids could cannot write, so the teacher wrote for them. Today I get another batch from his former teacher.
I can't wait!
posted by Maeve at 6:36 AM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Man does it feel good to sit down!
Go Go go!
Steve got called out on a job. Some idiot construction worker cut through fiber again.
The job is actually down the street from our complex. I offered to bring pizzas to Steve and the guys if he wanted. Bummer that I cannot go in to work. I hate leaving Slappy in the lurch like that.
posted by Maeve at 4:24 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
A complete and utter train wreak................
Slappy #2 informs me that if he can't get his shit in one sock, the resturant closes come this March.
For now we are closing on Sundays (one of the two days I work), reducing the menu and doing other shit to cut costs. All this could of been avoided had slappy not pulled the shit he did after obtaining said resturant. Word of mouth goes verrrrry far in this small town.
Looks like I'll be looking for other part time work soon.
posted by Maeve at 8:31 PM
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Look at my happy boy!
We spent the day at the Wild Animal Park. He checked every single shop until he found this sucker. He gets one every time we go to the zoo or the park. I finally got my wish about the weather. It was fucking cold today! I needed some gloves and every one was bundled up. Steve was working OT, so it was just me and my favorite little guy. Well, since he's 5 ft, he's not so little. We had a great day.
posted by Maeve at 6:50 PM
Friday, January 12, 2007
I adore my friends.
I cherish them.
They keep me sane.
But some times you grow apart and that hurts.
For those who have been reading my drivil for a few years will remember my trip down to Mexico to be the maid of honnor in my friend Kerry's wedding.
She is now getting a divorce 2 years later.
We are growing apart now. Or she is just divorcing me too.
Why I don't know.
My phone messages have gone unreturned, I didn't even get a phone call on my 40th birthday and she missed the renewal of my wedding vows. When I went in to C.C. last night she acted like nothing was amiss. Let me back up a bit. I went to Candle Lady & The Mule's Xmas eve party and kerry was there. She was distant and not her usual self. She claimed she "missed me", but yet did not bother to talk to me for more than 2 minutes.
So when last night she said "come in on Friday, I'm going brunette and I want you to see it" I stopped in. She was sitting outside with some regulars having a drink.
She said she ended up getting the night off because the hair appointment took longer than she expected. Night off? Great! Why don't you come over?
She was suprised I showed up. She again did not return my phone call earlier asking her about if she went through with the major hair change.
I am done.
I get the hint.
You want to throw away 6 years of friendship because I don't fit in to your single life style now.
posted by Maeve at 7:14 PM
Last night was just heavenly. Steve had a great time at the company party, he didn't win any door prized but the food was really good. He was at a high priced swanky hotel/resort in Laguna. The party in the next room was a wedding reception. Apparantly the wedding was such a dud, guests were trying to sneak in to Steve's company party!
Steve did manage to swipe me some roses from the wedding reception though! He came home around 9 pm to find me & the GP curled up on the couch. That is how I spent the evening. I chatted with Spaz on line for a bit and then my hot date was my hairy dog. I watched most of the programs that were recorded in my DVR.
Thank Goddess it's Friday. I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.
posted by Maeve at 5:25 AM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Ahhhhhhhhhhh total relaxation!
Candles are lit, motzart is playing, whiskey in hand and a full belly after a plate of nachos at C.C.
Pudd'n is at grandma's and Steve is at a company party.
Life is good.
posted by Maeve at 5:48 PM
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Ok Lurking barflies, I'm just a weeeeee bit dissapointed in ya.
So far only comments from my regular nut house friends.
Nada from you lurkers.
And do you know what I think is very interesting?
I still get hits through Gut Rumbles.
I miss that cranky cracker.
What else brings people to my corner of the twilight zone?
Feast your eyes!
bartending new york: I've drank there, never bartended.
masterbating with things : That is what battery operated friends are for.
bartenders ball pictures rudder: WTF???
too much junk in the trunk sayings : More cusion for the push'n
"jordan almonds" weight watchers points : Fuck if I know or care.
Remember.......A good friend will help you move.....a REALLY goodfriend will help you move a body.......let me know if you ever need me: Some how, I'll be call'n my friends to help ME hide the dead body. I know I can count on a few.
tennisee walking horses : My first horse Cheyenne was 1/2 Tennisee walking horse, half Arab. He had 1/2 a brain.
Maid of Honnor Speech: A lot of good it did. They divorced less than 2 years later. They obviously did not take my advice.
shanahan wife brendan picture: Goddamn it people! I don't know what she looks like, so quit coming around here!
people who love to eat or swallow sperm : Meh, I can take it or leave it.
Hey! Do you know the real reason brides smile as they walk down the isle? They know they don't have to swallow any more.
maeve lili : Me & my beotch!
masterbating while driving: Uh, no thanks. I keep two hands on the wheel at all times.
posted by Maeve at 8:50 PM
The lovely LL over at Chromed is on strike.
She found out it is national delurking week and will not post until she gets 25 lurkers to leave a comment.
I'd do the same, but I don't think any one would miss my drivel.
I'm hoping she hits her mark and soon. I enjoy reading her many posts through out the day. Her kids crack me up and I love to hear the pearls of wisdom from their mouths.
So how about it lurkers here at Bartender........another round.
Show me some love and leave a comment.
posted by Maeve at 3:16 PM
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Ok, this is the only part that I really don't miss about winter. This is my brother and my new "nephew".
Today it was in the 80's and breezy out here. I got a chance to go riding on Kip. He was being a bit of a fucktard, looking for things to spook at and to try and canter off.
Damn horse was already ridden once today.
I was his second ride, you'd think the fucker would be calmer.
Oh no, not our Kippy!
Looks like I'll be taking one Tues. night off a month now. C.C is now held on Tues nights in a new venue. I had a great time as always at ritual tonight.
Oh and I have a new favorite program.
I Love New York.
Yep, the spin off of Flava of Love.
I need a life.
Or some mental health.
posted by Maeve at 10:35 PM
This Thurs. Pudd'n will be at grandma's and Steve will be at a party for his department.
I get to be all alone.
I am SO looking forward to this!
I can do what ever I want, eat what I want, spend all night on the computer if I want and watch what I want.
No one to cook for, clean up after or entertain.
It's going to be a good night!
posted by Maeve at 7:23 AM
Monday, January 08, 2007
It is winter right?
January is supposed to be wet & cold right now.
Not hot & windy.
Unlike the Queen of Disfunction, I like the cold!
Yeah, I'm a freak of nature. Well, not that big of a freak.
This is a picture of my baby brother plowing his drive way. He too likes the cold as does my son. My brother lives up in the U.P. of Mich. Lucky bastid got 6 inches of snow on New Years.
I've also noticed the days are already starting to get longer. *bah!*
I think I'll go bake some bread.
posted by Maeve at 5:34 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Work sucked hot sweaty balls tonight.
I had a total of three whole tables!
Lucky for me, two of those tables were randy men that enjoyed my clevage and tipped generously.
In fact one of those poor men admitted he was a hockey fan.
Imagine my delight of some one I could talk hockey with!
That poor man just wanted to eat his dinner too.
Steve drove me to work, so I got to enjoy a nice big glass of whiskey. Makes going to work much nicer that way.
posted by Maeve at 8:09 PM
Saturday, January 06, 2007
I told all of you about Kat and her valentine drive for our troops and that gave me the idea of doing it for my own soldier/Chaplin. Well, I just went one step further in being a copy cat and contated Hearts 4 Heros where Kat had recieved 200 hand made hearts with little cards to give to the troops. I was able to score 100 since they are running low being that it's just after the holidays. Each heart is hand made and they are absolutly exsquist! check out the linky link
And if you can, please send them some money to help them out. This is all volunteers doing this for our troops.
I've got Pudd'ns class mates making some hand made Valentines and I've even hit up a few of his former teachers to get their kids to make some up too.
I can't wait to send this package out!~
posted by Maeve at 5:26 PM
posted by Maeve at 7:20 AM
Friday, January 05, 2007
We are having some pretty severe winds right now.
So what do I do?
I went horse back riding!
I rode the lesser of two evils.......Kirby.
Getting that horse over a slow crawl is not for the faint of heart. He's not called the "thigh master" for nothing. He can be a little goofy, but no where near as goofy or psychotic as Kip when he spooks at something.
Kirby did try and spook at a chair on the outside of the arena that I'm sure that has been there for months. I worked him in small circle by the offending, rabid chair and made him behave.
It was a great ride any way.
It does my soul good to get on a horse.
posted by Maeve at 6:02 PM
Yesterday my mom won VIP tickets to the red carpet opening of that new movie Hillary Sw*ank is in. The premire was being held allllll the way up in Westwood. I asked Linda how far it was since she's more in to this stuff than I am. She told me I'd have to leave at 2 pm to make the 7 pm preshow party. Even though it was only going to take 2 hours to get there, I could not leave any later because traffic would be too bad.
Um, no thanks!
I called my mom back and thanked her for thinking of us. But just to give the tickets to some one else. Even if I did want to go, Steve could not leave work on such a short notice. We were passed out in bed last night by 9:30 and dragging our butts out of bed at 5:30. We never would of been able to handle last night's festivities.
Man we're getting old.
posted by Maeve at 5:48 AM
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Pudd'n is happily at grandmaland.
Dinner is cooked and eaten.
My house is clean.
Candles are lit.
I am almost relaxed except for the fact the neighbors across the street got an ankle biter for Xmas and they have stuck the thing outside.
It has been yapping incesantly now for over an hour.
I am very tempted to go feed it some antifreezed laced hamburger.
Lucky for the little fuck and it's owners is that we don't need antifreeze out here.
Goddamn it people, if you are going to own a dog; BE RESPONSIBLE!!!
Don't leave it outside yapping away. Take it to dog training classes and teach it how to be a good dog.
When I take GP for a walk, I have to walk with a huge stick.
The dog of choice in my 'hood is either pit bull or ankle biter.
A lot of these people don't bother to socialize their dogs or take them to obidence classses. I've had 4 different dogs at 4 different times come after us. Lucky for them, they've stopped in time before I've had to bash their brains in all over the side walk.
I'd do it too. Fuck with me and my property I will fuck you up.
posted by Maeve at 5:52 PM
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
It's a picture of me with some of my bitches & ho's!
This picture just cracks me up.
Yeah, simple minds.
I had a real "duh" moment.
Kat over at Yikes is collecting stuff to make up a kick ass package to send to our troops. It is for Valentines, so she's requesting stuff for that holiday.
I figured if she could do it, so could I. I can show my soldier/chaplin that I am more than a porno loving heathen.
I've got Pudd'ns current teacher and two former teachers having the kids make hand made Valentines. I even put a note up on the board for my own students if they wanted to participate. I'm hoping to get enough to fill several flat rate boxes.
posted by Maeve at 2:51 PM
For my New Year's resolution, I am only focusing on what I do want in my life. Not what I don't. I am doing my best to say positive affrimations all day and not to say "eewww" every time I see a full body shot of myself in pictures or store windows.
I've been doing pretty good. I'm doing better at what I put in my mouth wether it be food or drink and I've been exersizing.
All that serenity came to a screeching hault when I recieved a text from my sister.
She's getting married this Aug.
Guess who's a bridesmaid?
The dress I get to wear is pretty, but still.
All those negative thoughts came crashing through on how I'll never shed this excess weight and I'll look like a blob up there at the altar.
It didn't bother me too much at my brother's wedding. I wasn't in the wedding party and on display.
Well, I take that back, there are a few side view pictures of me that make me cringe.
Back to the mental drawing board.
posted by Maeve at 6:39 AM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Is this not the most beautiful baby?
This is Pudd'n at 3 months of age. We are in Michigan. This was his first trip home and it was taken at my brother's football game.
posted by Maeve at 9:59 PM
posted by Maeve at 9:10 PM
Monday, January 01, 2007
Steve was slumming at My Space when he came across this picture. I had to have it. There is another one too that is just as funny. I'll save it for later.
Hope every one had a good New Year and is not too badly hung over.
posted by Maeve at 8:42 PM
I am such the party animal!
We were in bed by 10:30 pm. I celebrated "Michigan" time. I talked to my dad & step mom and texted my sister when it hit 12 am in Michigan.
After taking Pudd'n to my mom's, we did some light shopping for some items we needed. Came home, threw on the pajamas, baked cookies and threw in a movie.
We watched Jackass 2.
What a train wreak.
We laughed our asses off.
Although Steve almost puked when one guy drank horse sperm.
posted by Maeve at 8:31 AM